Sick for a Split Second

I caught a chill last night. When I woke up from my afternoon nap, I already felt very cold and weak, but thought nothing about it. Maybe I'm just still tired, I thought. Nevertheless I dragged myself up from bed and went to take a shower. After I came out of the shower, I suddenly felt very very cold and sleepy, so I felt my forehead which felt exceptionally hot. So I quickly took my temperature which confirmed that I had a fever of 39.1 degrees. Sigh... how can I fall sick now, when I need to take care of Joey?

So I was banned from going near to Joey or touching her last night for fear that I might pass the virus to her. Babies are very fragile, they catch viruses very easily. Sigh, even the breastmilk I expressed out got to be discarded just in case there were any germs or bacteria inside. I'd rather not take the risks. Anyway, it's such a sad feeling not being able to touch joey, or pacify her when she cries! But for her sake, I got to be an obedient mother.

Anyway, after taking panadol last night, I am already recovered today! Thank God the fever subsided as fast as it came. Already an hour after I took the medicine last night, I was feeling much better and the fever seemed to have gone. But just to play safe, I did not go near joey or took care of her last night. Isaiah did all the waking up. Haha..

I must say Isaiah is a good father because when some new fathers would only play with their babies and run away when it's time to feed or change their diapers (believe me, the sight can be quite horrifying at times. Don't believe me, check out joey's poo in the archive entries.) But for Isaiah, he's been very hands-on and has done everything. Perhaps got to do with the fact that my mum in law was a babysitter for 10 years, so he's quite used to such things. Anyway, it's good to have a burden shared and when i am super tired, he can do the taking care at night. : )

I pray I will not fall sick again. Must really take care of myself and not let the fan blow directly at me (or my bones will ache in the future!) or on the aircon too cold. Otherwise when my confinement is over and my mum in law needs to go back to her work, I'll have a hard time taking care of joey. God, please help me!!

Yaaawwwnnnnnnns...

I am so sleepy today. Joey refused to sleep till 4am this morning, so I was trying to pat her, coerce her, force her & lullaby her to sleep with my eyes barely open. I was literally begging her to sleep so that I can get some sleep. haha... The day before I woke up at 7am together with her, and I didn't take naps the whole day, so I was super tired. So, yaawwwnnn.. pardon me..

Joey's 1st one & half weeks were a bliss. She would sleep, wake to drink milk every 3 hours, fall asleep immediately again, then wake again 3 hours later for her milk.... But slowly, she would have hours where she will be awake & just lie there staring at lights or into space, whine a little before falling asleep again. And her personality is starting to show.

From what Isaiah & I analysed, she is a mini chili padi and wants to control everything. haha..

Why do we say that? At the beginning, her cries are still whimpy and very demure, and it happens in accelerating volumes and intensity so that at least we have some seconds to get to her before she breaks into a screaming frantic. But now, no more.. the moment she lets out a sound to catch your attention, it's a full-volume, top-pitch screech! It's like screaming "I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both isaiah and I have declined to admit that she got that from either one of us.

She's a control freak too cos when we feed her, she wants to hold her own bottle! Haha.. no kidding.. but her both hands will grab the bottle tightly. So sometimes I will joke 'ok lah, joey.. u hold your own bottle and feed yourself la..' But of course, it's only a joke lah.. if I really do that, she will burst into that full-voume, top-pitch screech again! And of course, neither Isaiah nor I have accepted responsibility for this character of hers too.. haha..

Precious Moments

Today, Joey wore a new bodysuit bought by her po po (my mum in law). It's a lovely yellow Precious Moments Bodysuit. I was thinking that if it's in a darker shade of yellow, she might resemble Bruce Lee~ hahaha... And because it started to rain early this morning, we made her wear her Baby Pooh mittens and socks too.. Isn't she adorable!?

New Births in BlogSphere

I am so surprised to come across this blog which contains links to birth stories or blogs of women who are giving birth to their babies soon, and Joey's blog is listed there! Take a look!

http://babyblogorama.net/?page_id=11

John & Jennifer Visits

Uncle John & his wife Jennifer came to visit me & Joey the other night. Actually Uncle John is not that old, only 40 plus, but I have been calling him Uncle John since young (and I really mean young, because I first got to know him in my previous church when I was about 12 years old). And he is a rather special 'uncle' or friend to me because he was the one who gave me my name, Klessis.

I remembered I got baptised when I was about 15 years old, and I wanted to have a nice Christian name. So I asked Uncle John, who was like a youth pastor to the youth fellowship then, to pray for a Christian name for me. He came to me about 2 weeks later and told me that the name that God gave to him for me was Klesis, which meant 'called to salvation' in hebrew. I liked the name immediately because I thought it was so classy. But because the spelling looks weird, I added another 's' to the spelling to make it Klessis. Over the years, I have countless people who told me that my name is very nice & special. All thanks to Uncle John. : )

Uncle John & Jennifer have been a great blessing to us too. Not only did they pass us their baby's cot, high-chair and stroller, they also gave us really super cute clothes and blanket from Osh Kosh B'Gosh when they visited us. We're so blessed to have friends like them in our lives!

Here's Jennifer carrying Joey and her really cute younger daughter, Evangeline. I hope Joey will be as cute as her when she grows up! See her conversation with her mama:

Mama: Evangeline, who's the King?
Evangeline: Papa!
Mama: Then who is mei mei (evangeline)?
Evangeline: The Queen!
Mama: Then how about Mama?
Evangeline: Mama is Princess!
Mama: .............

Daddy's Gal

I must say there is a special bond between a daughter & her daddy. Like the bond I have with my daddy, Joey also has a special bond with Isaiah. There is a sparkle in Isaiah's eyes when he holds his darling daughter and there is an extra sense of security when Joey looks at her daddy. It must be the bigger hands and arms which makes her feel more comfortable. But I also think it's got to do with the fact that she knows she'll always be Daddy's gal. It's such a heart-warming sight to see the both of them together. : )

Here's daddy isaiah carrying joey before he left for work this morning....

Vinegar Pig's Trotters~

It's the first time I tasted vinegar pig's trotters. Many people have been telling me how fortunate I am because I get to eat such a delicious dish during my confinement. In fact, Jelaine just told me yesterday how much I've missed out if I do not eat that dish now. But each time I hear such comments, I would silently pray in my heart that I will not eat such a scary dish. Imagine munching on the legs of a pig??!

But yesterday night Isaiah brought home some vinegar pig's trotters made by Auntie Lee Eng for me. I was apprehensive at first, but I've heard enough praises for Auntie Lee Eng's vinegar pig's trotters by Dawn & Careen that I was willing to give it a try. Oh man.. it's heavenly, I must say... The vinegar is very potent, I must admit, but it tastes really good! No, I did not munch on the legs of the pig, but instead just stuck to eating the eggs, and some lean meat. I am truly amazed at how nice the dish is. I am addicted. Gonna eat it for dinner again later. : ) I am so addicted that I've taken a photo of it to show the pig trotters lovers out there so that you can drool.. : )

Sleep is a Rare Commodity

Sleep has almost become a legend ever since Joey arrived in this world. It's going to get worse because now I'm still in my confinement, so even though I don't sleep well at night, I get to take naps during the day when my mother in law looks after Joey. I will usually have my lunch and then take my tonic wine Dome and then go to sleep because I will feel very drowsy after the 'drink'. The moment I put my head down on the pillow, I will totally conk out until at least 3 hours later. That's how tired I am everyday because I usually can't nap for more than 2 hours each time before my pregnancy. Gives me headaches. But now, it's a luxury. Thank God for my mother in law who helps me during this time.

After my confinement though, I'll tell my mother in law that I want to take care of Joey totally. One thing is I know my mother in law can't really stay put at home everyday without going out.. (if you know her, you know what I mean.. she might go crazy. haha.. and she is already making a super big sacrifice doing my confinement, taking care of Joey & cooking for me every meal, and she HATES cooking.) So, after I take over taking care of Joey, I probably can't take naps in peace anymore.

Why is it so tiring at night, you may ask? Babies all sleep better in the day. I just knew about this recently from a friend, because I was complaining that Joey is a night baby because she's most alert at 4-5am in the morning and refuses to sleep. But my friend told me that it's like that for all babies. Maybe because it's bright during the day, so they choose to close their eyes and only stay awake at night.

So at night when Joey wakes up every 2-3 hours for a feed, it takes about 15 minutes to half an hour to feed her, depending on how good she is. Then got to change her diaper, and she will stare big eyed into air until she finally falls asleep maybe half an hour later. All these when I am in the state of supersleepiness. So when I finally can fall asleep after she does, the next thing I know is that she's awake again for the next feed.. and it goes on until daybreak comes. : ) I can't sleep if she's not asleep for fear that she might puke out milk or anything like that, so it's like that the whole night.

During the day however, she will fall asleep immediately after finishing the last drop of her milk. In the middle of her milk, she will fall asleep at some points and we got to wake her up to finish her milk and to burp her. Sometimes she refuses to sleep, and will whine and wants us to carry her, but majority of the time, she's a very good baby and just eats and sleeps in cycles during the day.

I just read an article today that tells me that the soonest a baby will learn to sleep throughout the night without waking up is when she hits 6 weeks old but some babies take up to 6 months. Wah! That's long! Joey is only 2 weeks old now! I pray that Joey will do so quicker so that daddy & mummy can sleep better. Now I am on maternity so it's still not so bad. When I start to work.. how.. ?

No wonder Dawn tells me that it's hard at the beginning but after a while, i'll realise I've become stronger. haha...

My Darling In Her Elmo T-shirt

Her Smile

Yesterday night when I was lying in bed together with Joey, she did something that totally melted my heart. She was wide awake after having her milk, and she was looking intently at me as I talk to her. Then all of a sudden, she broke out into a big toothless grin at me! Oh man.... her smile just melts my heart..... =D

The Stump Has Dropped Off!

Praise the Lord, Joey's umbilical cord stump has finally dropped off. It's pretty scary and nervous having to handle with care the cord before it drops off, for fear that any rough actions might just hurt her. The past few days, she started to bleed slightly in her cord too, so it's pretty scary and worrying for us. We're so relieved that it's finally dropped off, but from now on, got to be extra careful to keep that area dry and clean so that there's no infection. It's afterall an open wound now, so please pray that it will dry so quickly.

See! She can sleep more comfortably in this position now that the stump has dropped off.. : )

Friends who came & visited me & joey all commented that the whyteboard that I have at home which records Joey's feeding times is very cute. Mummies-to-be out there, you may want to try this too, easy to keep record this way. :)

Adorable Toys

Joey received many cute cute & adorable toys from many uncles & aunties. Even I was thrilled by how cute they are. Among them, I found a particular brand of toys which were most colourful and cute. I simply love the colours! COLORIA toys!

From top left clockwise: The flower is a musical toy where a happy tune will play when you pull the flowerpot downwards. The gym mat is a cute one complete with mirrors and rattles to occupy joey's attention while mummy is reading. The octopus is my personal fav! It's a toy to teach joey how to dress herself. See the shoelace on one of the 'legs' and the zip on the other? Joey can practise here first! The last one is a stacking rings game which trains joey's tightening & release of grip when she's older.

Here's some more cute cute stuffs joey's got. The hippo soft shoes, the elephant rattle and the bear bear neck support. They're so colourful that it brightens my mood just looking at them! Joey doesn't know how to appreciate them yet though.. haha..

I was very touched when I received a long distance call from Estee in the next morning after I gave birth. It was such a pleasant surprise and totally unexpected! It's great to have a friend and sister who cares so much. I gave birth on Sat wee hours in the morning, and Estee told me she already mailed out her present for Joey the Monday before, in anticipation of Joey's arrival! Oh man... Look at the cute toy she sent over! It's a bear bear who transforms into a koala bear with its ear hood! Look like the big feet! Joey also has big feet! hee...

Thank you Estee! :)

hmmm....... mmmm....... ahhh........... ahmmm.......

My Little Darling Opens Her Eyes

My baby is very funny. Ever since she was borned, she has not been opening her eyes much. Most babies I know have their eyes wide open the moment they came into the world. Doc said she finds it too bright to open her eyes, so she chooses to close them most of the time. Even inside my tummy, she was already a sleepy baby and loves to slumber all day long, and only becomes more active in the night when it's not so bright. No, I'm not trying to be funny, because research shows that babies can detect light when they are 6 or 7 months in the womb.

Because of that, she has difficulty opening both eyes at the same time because one of the eye will always been stuck with dried tears and we need to help her 'pry' open the eye. haha.. She's getting much better nowadays though, and instead of just drinking milk and sleeping, there will be a couple of hours when she will not sleep but will just lie in her cot with her eyes open. Her eyes are not fully open yet because there's still water retention in her eyelids and when she opens them now, we can only see the pupil and not the white porton. But I believe she will open fully soon (keep my fingers crossed). Anyway, I was thrilled that day cos I found her double eyelids! But can't really see now, cos it's hidden underneath the eyefold. When the water retention fully subsides, I think can see much clearer. : )

See the precious photos of her eyes open!

My parents came to visit me and Joey the other day. Finally my mum has taken a photo with her grand-daughter! People say I look like my mum, and Joey looks like me, so does it mean she looks like my mum too?? : )

More pictures of my little darling!

Joey's Sleeping Styles

It's fun watching my little one sleep. She makes so many facial expressions and when we are in one of those good moods to let her arms be free and not bundled up, she'll move them up, down, left, right all in one minute. She's such an active baby even when she's asleep!

"Dear God, I pray that I will grow up to be as pretty as mummy and as tall as daddy."

"Hmmm... I wonder why my saliva keeps coming out by itself.. slurp..."

"What's wrong with these adults? Talk so loud, how to expect me to sleep?? sigh.."

I decided to take some snapshots of Joey while she's asleep this morning. She's wearing a new bodysuit, a gift from Sis Ting, and she looks so sweet in it! Hee hee...

Meiting Godmother Visits

Meiting Ah Yee a.k.a Joey's Godmother, came to visit Joey last night. She also brought her little sister, Grace along. I haven't seen Grace for a long time! The last time, I remembered her as a small little toddler! Oh man, now she's already in Primary Five!

Time for a Shocker!

WARNING: My dear friends, are you ready for a very horrifying sight?? Don't say I did not warn you, because the following vision is expected to cause nausea and discomfort. Especially if you are reading my blog in the middle of a meal. Ladies who wish to shed some pounds by eating less food, you are HIGHLY ENCOURAGED to take a look at the picture. It's greatly effective. Unlike the signboards at places like Disneyland, where pregnant ladies are discouraged from taking the rides, I would invite all pregnant ladies to take a look. It'll benefit you, I promise.

So, after a whole lot of crap, are you ready for this shocker??!
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Introducing................................ JOEY'S POO! (wahahahaha...)

OK.. before some people accuse me of spoiling the image of my own flesh & blood, I shall stop here and go on to something more (G)-rated in my next entry. : )

Great Grandma & The Aunties All Came!

Today, Joey's great grandmother (Isaiah's maternal grandma) and her grand-aunties (Isaiah's mum's sisters) came over to visit from JB. See how happy Joey's great grandma is. She's her first great grandchild!

Isaiah's brother, David, hasn't taken a photo with Joey since she was born. So, we forced him to carry her today (He nearly freaked out! Cos he thinks Joey's too fragile, and dare not carry her! hahaha...) See this smile now?? He literally forced himself to smile naturally, and the moment the camera clicked, he said "quick.. carry her from me!" (wahahah...)

Before they left, great grandma laid hands on Joey and prayed a prayer of blessing over her. The blessing prayers of an elderly is greatly effective. We prayed that Joey will grow up to be a strong and spiritual girl!

Finally, a joyous group photo!

I Found A Wonderful Man

Beware: This is a potentially mushy post because it is written with my dearest hubby in mind. Wear a sweater if you feel cold. But I don't really care, cos this is my blog. : )

Having Joey drew Isaiah and I closer together. I told him the other day that after giving birth, I seem to love him three times more now than before. Haha.. Maybe it's a special bond that links us together because we are both parents of Joey and she is a testimony of our love for each other. Without Isaiah by my side all these while, I am sure I will not be able to go through the first few days after I gave birth.

Many people came to visit me while I was in the hospital. I chatted freely and cheerfully with all of them. When I was sitting or resting on the bed, it was still alright. But many did not see the part when I started to make a small move to try walking. The pain was excruciating. And I really mean it. It's much much worse than the contraction pains.

On my 2 attempts to go to the toilet (which was just 1 metre away from my bed), I took 2 hours to make it to and fro. Every movement I made would give me a sharp pain in the place of the wound where the stitch begun. It was demoralising and disheartening. I was very worried that I could not be discharged in 2 days' time because I could not even move. I was horrified each time I tried to make an attempt to move. But Isaiah was by my side all the time. He would patiently calm me down when I cry in despair or scream in pain. He would encourage me and spur me on just to take another step. I know it was emotionally draining on him having to see me cry and whine while being physically so exhausted himself from all the travelling to & fro the hospital. Yet, he had to put on a strong smile for me and keep encouraging me. He had to be the strong tower that I can hold on to. When I felt like a burden and such a failure, he reassured me time and time again that he will always be by my side and that I will overcome this ordeal.

Going through an emergency C-section and putting Joey in the NICU for one day kind of bursted our budget because we had initially planned for a smooth natural birth. So, on one hand, I was worried about not making any progress in my healing, on the other hand, I did not want to be hospitalised for additional days because of the cost. I told God that no matter what, I want to be discharged on the 3rd day, and that means I must get out of bed. It was no good even on the day before I was due for discharge. Even though I was put on a stronger dose of painkiller, the pain was really bad. Dr Chew said my wound is alright, just that one of the stitches had fallen on a main nerve, therefore causing the bad pain. But she said if I do not force myself to walk, it will never heal. It was worse seeing how my neighbour in the next ward started to walk by herself to the toilet the very next day from her C section. I wondered to myself countless times why I was so weak.

I sighed a heave of relief when Dr Chew gave me the clear to be discharged when she examined me on the morning of the third day. I did not tell her I could not really walk yet, because I told myself no matter what, I want to go home.

It was a miracle from this point on, because the moment I reached home, I could actually walk with Isaiah's assistance. Not much pain and still manageable. By the time I stepped into my house, I could walk by myself. I cannot think of any reason why except that God reduced the pain to the bare minimum so that I could walk around and exercise the nerve to recovery. I went completely off the painkillers two days ago, and this morning I just had my stitches removed. It was a very scary episode for me, I must admit. But for those of you who will be giving birth or planning to have children in future, please don't be scared off. Different women have it differently. Some tell me they had zero pain from their C section, some had experiences like mine. So, it's really hard to say.

But I am really glad to say that I have finally pulled through it. And I can blog it out now. Boy! The worst is finally over! Thank God for a super supportive husband who will still tell me he loves me everyday, and will give me a warm smile and hug just to make sure I remember he loves me. Without him, I wouldn't be able to go through this, I am sure. So yes, I am thankful to God for letting me find such a wonderful man.

Our First Kuan Family Photo

Day Six: 15 Apr

weee..... don't take my photo!.............. ok.. i surrender.. take whatever u want....

Me & my Little Princess.... : )

Day Five: 12 Apr

Closed....... Opening....... Open!

Day Four: 11 Apr

It's bong bong time!

See Joey's arm trying to grab grandma??!

Day Three: 10 Apr

Homecoming for Baby Joey! Happy in her new cot..

Wah! So many presents & gifts! Thank you everyone, for your extravagant love & for showing us that God is indeed our Provider, & we will not be in lack!

Day Two: 9 Apr

She & her palm-sucking habit...

Dear Dear's mum and my Daddy carrying Joey! - Their first grandchild!

Daddy Isaiah feeding Joey for the first time

Day 1: 8 Apr 06

1st Glance!

I am so biased! I really think Joey is the cutest baby in the whole world! wahahaha...

Proud Daddy!

My beloved cell group members!

The Final 15 Hours

Foreword: Beware, this is a very super duper long entry. Please speed read or skip it if you are feeling drowsy. I am just journaling down every minute detail of what I went through in the final 15 hours before I gave birth, for memory's sake. : )

Day 1: 7 April (Friday)

I was scheduled for induction today because Joey is getting big and Dr Chew advised that I should quickly give birth so that it won’t be too difficult for me to push her out. Isaiah & I reached Gleneagles at 8 plus in the morning and I had a light breakfast of Delifrance crossiant and coconut juice (so that Joey will come out clean), before checking into the labour ward at approximately 9.15am.

The labour ward was in a way considered luxurious. It’s a huge room with an attached bathroom, single bed and a single-seat sofa. The walls were plastered with lovely floral wallpaper, and a TV was inclined from the ceiling. There were machines of several kinds around the bed and on the side, there was a sink and cupboards labeled with words like ‘syringes’, ‘needles’, etc.

I was told to change into the patient gown and was asked a series of routine questions by the nurse. Then the nurse injected me with a super cooling liquid from the anus to clear my back passage. I had the urge to go to the toilet almost immediately. After everything was cleared, they put me on a drip. It was not exactly a pleasant experience because the nurse poked me in 3 veins unsuccessfully. She said my veins were too tiny. Finally Dr Chew came & the drip went in properly on the side of my wrist, which accordingly to Dr Chew, would be more uncomfortable because of the position but they had no choice because of my tiny veins. The induction process then started with the first bag pumped into my drip.

All these while, 2 nodes were stuck on my tummy to monitor Joey’s heartbeat and to monitor my contractions. At the beginning, my contractions were hitting around 30-50, which were just mild. I couldn’t really feel anything. After 10 minutes into the drip, my contractions started to escalate to hit between 90 and 120, with a close frequency of 5-10 minutes. We were happy to see that the medicine had taken effect so quickly. Also, I wasn’t really feeling any pain yet. The contractions can be felt clearly but no pain at all. The time now was about 11am.

By 12 noon, Dr Chew came & examined me. It was not a favorable result because inspite of strong contractions, my cervix were not dilating. It was only open 1.5cm, a far cry from the 10cm I need to hit to give birth. Dr Chew wanted to break my water bag to speed up the process, but because I was ultra sensitive when she tried to touch me, she couldn’t do it at all. And because of that, the labour process can take as long as till midnight. So she advised that I should opt for epidural so that my lower half of the body can be numbed and she can break the water bag & do a proper examination for me.

It was a difficult decision for us. I was not against using epidural, but I was not having any pain even up to this point and the nurse told me that the contractions were as high as it got already and even commented that my pain threshold was high (which greatly amused Isaiah and I)! But if I continue to clamp up when Dr Chew examined me, I would not get anywhere. So in the end, we agreed to go for epidural. The nurse and Dr Chew were very happy and reassured me that more than 80% of the patients opt for it because it would greatly reduce the pains.

The wait for the anesthetist was a nervous one. Isaiah was told that he must wait outside for me, which freaked me out, because I knew the only reason was because the needles were so long & scary that they did not want the look on isaiah’s face to frighten me. Dr Dicky arrived soon and started to tell me that the preparation process for the administering of epidural was a long one, but the actual injection would not take long. He explained that he would first give me a local anesthesia on my spine area and he will guide me through the breathing. I felt some sharp poking sensation on my back, but they were quickly over and Dr Chew announced that that was the most painful part of the whole procedure (phew). When everything was numb, Dr Chew started to administer the epidural. All I could feel was that he was using some strength to push it in and a very cool liquid went into my spine area.

Dr Dicky then explained to me how the epidural works. He said the epidural tube was inserted into the area between my spinal cords in a very precise position so that the numbness can occur. I saw the tiny tube and almost couldn’t believe it. Inserting a needle is imaginable, but a tube?? The time now was about 4pm.

Anyway, the rest of the time passed quickly with hopes high that my cervix has dilated fully. I can’t tell anything because I am totally numb from waist down. It felt like I was half paralysed! When the nurse came to check me around 8pm, she said that my dilation has not really improved, but it has defaced completely. Don’t know what it means, but she said it’s favorable. We were quite happy. Dr Chew said it’s likely to drag till midnight.

The last check came at around 11pm, when the nurse said that my cervix is not making any progress at all, still only 1.5cm. We felt quite disheartened by now, because 14 hours have passed but nothing has progressed. Dr Chew was very surprised because she was sure that I would dilate to 10cm, given that it has defaced completely, water bag burst by itself and my contractions were super high & frequent at 2 minutes or less apart. But in the end, she decided that since 10 hours have lapsed since my water bag burst, I better go for a C-section. Mainly, Joey’s breathing is getting weaker either because she’s sleeping or she’s slipping into a coma which can be possible if she's getting distressed by the wait. So I was placed on an oxygen mask and the decision was made to go for an emergency C-section.

I was quite disappointed because I wanted to have my baby naturally all along. And horror stories from some friends about C-section, like having hallucinations while in anesthesia and the feeling that they have ‘died and slipped into eternity’ during the operation, etc, all frightened me. I just prayed silently in my heart that all will be over soon. Dear Dear consoled me that the wait is finally over and in less than an hour, we will see our baby.

I reminded the doctor many many times to ensure that I have fallen asleep completely before she starts the operation. Haha.. I am so scared that I would be in a state where I can’t move or make a sound, but can still feel and they’re already cutting me up! Of course, it’s all paranoia. The moment the GA went into my bloodstream, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and I just felt so tired, so tired…..

The next thing I know, the nurse was asking me to turn to my side so that they can wrap me up properly. All the way from the operating theatre to my ward, I was in a semi-conscious state. It was the first time I experienced that state. It’s hard to keep my eyes open for long. I just slipped in and out of sleep. I felt so exhausted and weak. Then a comforting face came into view. It was Dear Dear. The first thing I asked Dear was whether Joey was ok. And he said that everything is good, baby is very healthy and heavy and long. Hahha… With that, I fell peacefully back to sleep….

It was a long journey as I think about it now. But definitely something I want to remember forever. That’s why I am journaling it down. : ) I would say it’s a worthwhile experience, and no matter what pains are involved, it’s totally worth it. Some women have it easy, some have it harder. I guess if it’s a bit tougher for me, I would begin to treasure many things more.

It’s still a mystery why my cervix didn’t dilate accordingly despite having all the favourable factors. But one thing I know for sure is that it’s all part of God’s plan. Joey is a huge baby by all standards. Even taking her out of my womb during the operation was a hard one cos she’s so big – according to Dr Chew. So I believe it would have been a very difficult labour if I had given birth naturally. Her shoulders or head might have been stuck for all we know. So, thank God He has chosen the best method for her to be out.

All glory to God.

Before I Set Off On My Mission

Dear friends, before I set off to Gleneagles for one of my most major missions of this lifetime, let me just pen down some of the feelings and emotions that I've experienced in these past 10 months.

Well, as all of you know, the 1st 3 months passed in a state when I was totally unaware of the fact that a little life has started in me. I still remembered my focus was very much on my new job, entering into full time ministry, and thinking about how I can be a good steward of what God has entrusted to me. I also remembered feeling vaguely guilty that I felt so tired during one of the overnight prayer meetings because come on, as a CGL and a staff, I can't even stand throughout an overnight prayer meeting? How ridiculous!

Then came a period of 2 weeks when Isaiah kept nagging me everyday asking if I was pregnant. I would tell him everyday with a confidence I never questioned that it was hardly possible because I just don't feel anything weird or special. "It's my body leh, I should know better than you!" - yap, that was what I said to him.

So when he insisted we buy a pregnancy kit to test it out, I reluctantly agreed. Just to appease him, I thought to myself. I did the test in the toilet of my office. Now as I recalled the calmness and stillness of that toilet cubicle when I was staring at the pregnancy kit showing the positive result, I almost couldn't believe that life has already started to change.

Then calmly I walked back to my table and looked over at Isaiah on top of the partition between us and gave him a nod. He looked like "Didn't I tell you so?", but looked like he was trying to get used to the news himself. Nope, none of those excited hugs of swerling me around like what we see in drama serials. It was a quiet moment and look that passed between us.

As the news settled in our hearts throughout the rest of the day, we quickly went to see a GP to confirm the results in the evening. The doctor said I was VERY pregnant and she estimated that I could be 2-3 months pregnant. Wow, what a revelation. You mean I just fumbled my way through my first trimester? Images of me jumping & hopping during praise & worship in church, running to get things done quicker, etc.. started to fill my mind then. Amazing. No, sorrie. Amazingly dangerous!~ Anything could have happened to my baby during that 3 vulnerable months! Yet, the Hand of God upheld us and protected us. Even without my knowledge.

Immediately, we called both our parents and broke the news to them. They were thrilled. Naturally. 1st grandchild in both families. And 1st great grandchild for Isaiah's mum's side. : ) At night when we reached home, we lingered at the void deck. Then we called Pastor Lillian and told her the news over loudspeaker. She was very happy for us of course, and kept reminding me to take care of myself and that Isaiah got to take over all running-of-errands from then onwards. Haha... It was a heartwarming feeling.

Our gynae Dr Chew showed us our baby for the first time through the scan. It was an amazing sight! Even though, I still cannot figure out where's what even till now. Everytime I thought it was the head, she would tell me it's her stomach. When I thought it was her ear, it was actually her nose. Dear Dear could get it most of the time though, can even point out the different parts to me. Sigh.. Still, it was such an amazing sight. Wonderful creation of God.

Things happened very fast after that. I just lived and worked as per normal. Worked hard and my days were filled to the brim everyday. I worked on average 13-14 hours per day but never got tired or exhausted. It was, and still is, the grace of God which sustained me. God is really great. Supernatural pregnancy made it possible for me to live my life to the max during this time. No morning sickness. No exhaustion. No clumsiness. Who says pregnancy will slow women down? I refuse that in Jesus' Name!

Of course many things started to change during the last 2 weeks. Besides feeling exhausted easily, I also felt clumsy. But I guess it's all just normal since my poor legs which used to carry 43kg of weight now carries over 60kg. How can I even blame them for doing something so small as ... swelling?!

In any case, some people may pity me that I still got to work so hard throughout my pregnancy, but really, I was very very happy & satisfied with my stamina. As I think back now, if not for the focus on my work, I might really have a horrible pregnancy. The work helped me stay alert and energetic. Staying at home the past 3 days made me feel so lethargic and suddenly everything also pain.. leg pain, tummy pain, hands pain.. haha..

This is such a long blog. But what do you expect? 10 months worth of emotions, ok?!

But what I really want to say before I end off is how much gratitude I feel towards the people around me. God not only makes it easy for me to remain a productive person throughout my pregnancy, He also puts caring people around me who encourage and love me constantly.

My Dear Dear is of course my best companion throughout my pregnancy. Sharing a common passion and love for our baby drew us closer. His thoughtfulness and caring love made it so easy and heartwarming. Thank God for this best gift in my life. Without him, my life will truly not be complete.

My parents and inlaws have been supportive all the time, always reminding me to rest and rest more. I guess they can never understand where I find the energy from. My mum had told me no less than 500 times that when she was pregnant with me, all she could do was sleep and bathe all the time. Haha.. My brother Nigel would, without fail, carry all my things when I am with him, insisting that I shouldn't be carrying anything at all, not even my own bag! And he will always chide me for bringing my laptop everywhere I go. "You know how pregnant you are or not??? sigh..." My brother is very caring towards me too, you know.. ; )

My cell group members have been cooperative and caring towards me too. Always asking me how was it and how does it feel like. Having another pregnant lady in my cell group also made it more fun in a sense. My very own helper too! Hee.. Actually, little things that we do for one another make a great cell group. It doesn't even matter if there are minor flaws here & there (everything has flaws, hello?!). Hey guys, even though we've gone through ups & downs and not everything is smooth & easy, in these past 10 months, I really feel that this is the best cell group there can ever be (I am biased.). Of course, the other church friends were always there for me cheering me on. Without you all, it would not have been so wonderful, really.

My zone leaders were great! The male leaders will help me move chairs, move my bag and admin paperwork. The female leaders will keep asking me how am I.. We're like a big family when we are together. Thank God for these leaders who will put themselves in my shoes and determine to make my life easier by handing in admin on time and being nice to me even when I am a little (just a little) strict on them. Ha....

Right from the start, Pst Lillian has been very caring towards me. She would gaze at amazement at the size of my tummy everytime she sees me, and she will always think of ways not to tire me out or let me walk too much. When she's overseas, she would think of buying clothings for Joey and without fail, she will always ask about how Joey is doing. Pastor has been more than a spiritual leader and discipler to me. She takes personal interest in the lives of people, and to me, that's the true definition of a pastor. It doesn't even matter that she is no longer a church staff or a pastor. In my heart, she will always be my pastor.

And not forgetting all my other friends too, who would be so excited when they heard about the news. I guess having friends share in the joy really doubles & triples it. Thank God for true friends who wil frequently ask about joey's progress and dish out advices even though they may never have been pregnant themselves before. Haha..

It's been a wonderful 10 months. I told Isaiah, if pregnancy is so easy all the time, I really don't mind having more children.. Hahaha..

So pray for me please, my friends! By evening time today, Joey should be borned! : )

I'll be back later.... with Joey. : )

Latest Playthings!

There are new additions to Joey's collection of toys & entertainment. Sis Yah Lan recently gave birth to baby Enya, and because she was given an extra set of mobiles, she gave us one of the sets. The mobile is for mounting onto the cot, and comes with 5-minute Mozart music. Look! So adorable!

What's more.. with the playing of the music, the mobile will turn & rotate along with it. I am sure Joey will be so thrilled by her new cot companion of fishes, seahorse and octopus! And maybe mummy Klessis can get some work done while she entertains herself. Wahaha...

Mum also bought Joey her first set of story books - Winnie The Pooh Story Collection! There are 3 very lovely books which Joey will not be able to read now, so mummy Klessis will read first. Maybe I can start reading her bedtime stories when she's 1 year old. Hee.. Look! It's so nice, the pictures!

2 more days

We've made a decision. If Joey doesn't automatically come out today or tomorrow, we will go for induction on Friday morning. Dear Dear likes the date of 7 April, don't ask me why. Anyway, we don't want to wait till next week already, so this week is it.

I told my dad about it and he's quite happy with the decision. "Should have done that long ago!" he said. Haha.. guess they don't really want me to go through a difficult delivery where the baby is too huge for a small girl like me. And anyway, as many people have been telling me these few days, induction is so common nowadays, so there's really nothing to worry or be apprehensive about. Especially if baby is already of a good size & everything has developed properly, no harm really.

So, to my anxious friends, Yep.. latest Friday evening, Joey will be born. I will be calling the hospital to reserve a labour ward bed for Friday admission. Dr Chew says by evening time, Joey will likely be born. This is so exciting! I wonder what I will be feeling on my way to the hospital on Friday morning. Hmm..

A Different Personality

I am blogging alot and will be blogging alot these few days. Firstly, I have more time on my time. Secondly, I want to keep my dear friends in the loop of what's happening. Oh, by the way, thank you so much to all my friends who have been sms-ing, msn-ing and calling me to ask about me & Joey, I appreciate all your concern & love. I think I can survive just on your love and water. : )

Many people say that one's personality change after they become parents, almost always for the better. I think it may be because looking at their babies, they start to take alot of things less hard, and become more approachable and more accommodating in that sense. Life suddenly seemed to make a lot of sense and many unimportant things which used to be important no longer seemed so.

Dear Dear has been commenting that my 'laughs' have changed after I am pregnant. Now, I seem to laugh at almost anything. Even the most 'unfunny' thing can make me roll in laughter and cannot stop. And my 'laughs' are so hearty that it makes him want to laugh along too. For example, I casually switched on the TV in the morning when I was preparing to go to work, and there it was, the America's Funniest Home Videos. I was laughing & laughing at the video of a cat who rolled across the stairs & hit her head on the wall. Haha.. I know it doesn't sound like it's funny when you read it, but trust me, it was really funny. At least in my opinion.

I realised that actually, long ago. Nowadays, I can't really control my laughter. When I laugh, I really laugh until I've had enough. Tears will always fill my eyes when I laugh because I think everything is super funny. Not just funny. But SUPER FUNNY. And I will laugh until my stomach hurts every time without fail. *sigh*

Do other pregnant ladies experience this?? Meiling, do you??

Anyway, laughing is good, dun experts always tell us that? Maybe because I feel happier and more liberated, so I laugh more. Or maybe it's because of hormonal changes. Well, I don't really know. But, it's really no big deal except that sometimes I behave like a sam seng woman, that's all.. hahahahaha...

To Induce or Not to Induce?

Dr Chew saw Joey today and asked me if I want to be admitted immediately. If I do, she will induce the baby for me and let Joey be born. I was alittle shocked when she asked me that question because I have only been feeling mild contractions and afterall I am only in my 39th week. Theoretically, it's still quite alright to wait somemore. Dr Chew said maximum I can wait is till baby is 42 weeks old in the womb.

But her concern was because Joey's already very big and if I wait any longer, I will have a very difficult delivery. The head will have a hard time coming out, and the shoulders may get stuck somewhere. So, Dr Chew's advice is for me to induce the baby since she is already of a suitable and healthy weight and size.

When I went to take my test again today, my contractions are still very mild. But Dr Chew did say that sometimes when baby is very big, contractions may not be triggered easily, so maybe that's the reason. But anytime, the contractions can change drastically and they may suddenly become very strong that I would have to be admitted. A forceful kick from Joey may also burst the water bag, which makes it impossible to delay the delivery any further.

Of course, I'd want to have my baby according to God's perfect timing, naturally, rather than induce it using man-made methods. So, we're going to pray that I will go into labour naturally these few days, then everything will be solved. If by end of the week, I still don't, I might really need induction, cos if delay till next week, I might have to go for C-section rather than natural delivery. But I don't want to think about that first, I'll just keep praying that these few days will be it.

Dr Chew gave me MC to rest over the next few days, then observe how it goes. Dear friends, please pray for us that everything will go so smoothly, according to God's timing & best method!

One Last Look

As I was packing my table yesterday before I left the office, I wondered to myself if it was the last time I will see my table before I go on my three-month leave. Everything will depend on what Dr Chew says on Monday when I go for my check-up again. She might ask me to be admitted immediately, or maybe she feels still can wait. Well, we'll see.

Today whole day I've been having contractions. In the morning, Dear Dear timed for me and it's about 15 minutes apart only, which is considered quite frequent. But as the day pulls on, it started to be further apart. The pain is not just in my tummy, but all the way to the back. But it's not really a bad pain, just a nagging mild pain. Will see how tonight. But usually when I sleep, I don't get disturbed by the pain, and I sleep rather well. So, I can't really imagine waking up in the middle of the night with a bad pain and having to rush to the hospital. But that actually feels alot more exciting. hee.. we'll see, we'll see...

it's coming to the tail end now, so it really can't be that long now. : )