Before I Set Off On My Mission

Dear friends, before I set off to Gleneagles for one of my most major missions of this lifetime, let me just pen down some of the feelings and emotions that I've experienced in these past 10 months.

Well, as all of you know, the 1st 3 months passed in a state when I was totally unaware of the fact that a little life has started in me. I still remembered my focus was very much on my new job, entering into full time ministry, and thinking about how I can be a good steward of what God has entrusted to me. I also remembered feeling vaguely guilty that I felt so tired during one of the overnight prayer meetings because come on, as a CGL and a staff, I can't even stand throughout an overnight prayer meeting? How ridiculous!

Then came a period of 2 weeks when Isaiah kept nagging me everyday asking if I was pregnant. I would tell him everyday with a confidence I never questioned that it was hardly possible because I just don't feel anything weird or special. "It's my body leh, I should know better than you!" - yap, that was what I said to him.

So when he insisted we buy a pregnancy kit to test it out, I reluctantly agreed. Just to appease him, I thought to myself. I did the test in the toilet of my office. Now as I recalled the calmness and stillness of that toilet cubicle when I was staring at the pregnancy kit showing the positive result, I almost couldn't believe that life has already started to change.

Then calmly I walked back to my table and looked over at Isaiah on top of the partition between us and gave him a nod. He looked like "Didn't I tell you so?", but looked like he was trying to get used to the news himself. Nope, none of those excited hugs of swerling me around like what we see in drama serials. It was a quiet moment and look that passed between us.

As the news settled in our hearts throughout the rest of the day, we quickly went to see a GP to confirm the results in the evening. The doctor said I was VERY pregnant and she estimated that I could be 2-3 months pregnant. Wow, what a revelation. You mean I just fumbled my way through my first trimester? Images of me jumping & hopping during praise & worship in church, running to get things done quicker, etc.. started to fill my mind then. Amazing. No, sorrie. Amazingly dangerous!~ Anything could have happened to my baby during that 3 vulnerable months! Yet, the Hand of God upheld us and protected us. Even without my knowledge.

Immediately, we called both our parents and broke the news to them. They were thrilled. Naturally. 1st grandchild in both families. And 1st great grandchild for Isaiah's mum's side. : ) At night when we reached home, we lingered at the void deck. Then we called Pastor Lillian and told her the news over loudspeaker. She was very happy for us of course, and kept reminding me to take care of myself and that Isaiah got to take over all running-of-errands from then onwards. Haha... It was a heartwarming feeling.

Our gynae Dr Chew showed us our baby for the first time through the scan. It was an amazing sight! Even though, I still cannot figure out where's what even till now. Everytime I thought it was the head, she would tell me it's her stomach. When I thought it was her ear, it was actually her nose. Dear Dear could get it most of the time though, can even point out the different parts to me. Sigh.. Still, it was such an amazing sight. Wonderful creation of God.

Things happened very fast after that. I just lived and worked as per normal. Worked hard and my days were filled to the brim everyday. I worked on average 13-14 hours per day but never got tired or exhausted. It was, and still is, the grace of God which sustained me. God is really great. Supernatural pregnancy made it possible for me to live my life to the max during this time. No morning sickness. No exhaustion. No clumsiness. Who says pregnancy will slow women down? I refuse that in Jesus' Name!

Of course many things started to change during the last 2 weeks. Besides feeling exhausted easily, I also felt clumsy. But I guess it's all just normal since my poor legs which used to carry 43kg of weight now carries over 60kg. How can I even blame them for doing something so small as ... swelling?!

In any case, some people may pity me that I still got to work so hard throughout my pregnancy, but really, I was very very happy & satisfied with my stamina. As I think back now, if not for the focus on my work, I might really have a horrible pregnancy. The work helped me stay alert and energetic. Staying at home the past 3 days made me feel so lethargic and suddenly everything also pain.. leg pain, tummy pain, hands pain.. haha..

This is such a long blog. But what do you expect? 10 months worth of emotions, ok?!

But what I really want to say before I end off is how much gratitude I feel towards the people around me. God not only makes it easy for me to remain a productive person throughout my pregnancy, He also puts caring people around me who encourage and love me constantly.

My Dear Dear is of course my best companion throughout my pregnancy. Sharing a common passion and love for our baby drew us closer. His thoughtfulness and caring love made it so easy and heartwarming. Thank God for this best gift in my life. Without him, my life will truly not be complete.

My parents and inlaws have been supportive all the time, always reminding me to rest and rest more. I guess they can never understand where I find the energy from. My mum had told me no less than 500 times that when she was pregnant with me, all she could do was sleep and bathe all the time. Haha.. My brother Nigel would, without fail, carry all my things when I am with him, insisting that I shouldn't be carrying anything at all, not even my own bag! And he will always chide me for bringing my laptop everywhere I go. "You know how pregnant you are or not??? sigh..." My brother is very caring towards me too, you know.. ; )

My cell group members have been cooperative and caring towards me too. Always asking me how was it and how does it feel like. Having another pregnant lady in my cell group also made it more fun in a sense. My very own helper too! Hee.. Actually, little things that we do for one another make a great cell group. It doesn't even matter if there are minor flaws here & there (everything has flaws, hello?!). Hey guys, even though we've gone through ups & downs and not everything is smooth & easy, in these past 10 months, I really feel that this is the best cell group there can ever be (I am biased.). Of course, the other church friends were always there for me cheering me on. Without you all, it would not have been so wonderful, really.

My zone leaders were great! The male leaders will help me move chairs, move my bag and admin paperwork. The female leaders will keep asking me how am I.. We're like a big family when we are together. Thank God for these leaders who will put themselves in my shoes and determine to make my life easier by handing in admin on time and being nice to me even when I am a little (just a little) strict on them. Ha....

Right from the start, Pst Lillian has been very caring towards me. She would gaze at amazement at the size of my tummy everytime she sees me, and she will always think of ways not to tire me out or let me walk too much. When she's overseas, she would think of buying clothings for Joey and without fail, she will always ask about how Joey is doing. Pastor has been more than a spiritual leader and discipler to me. She takes personal interest in the lives of people, and to me, that's the true definition of a pastor. It doesn't even matter that she is no longer a church staff or a pastor. In my heart, she will always be my pastor.

And not forgetting all my other friends too, who would be so excited when they heard about the news. I guess having friends share in the joy really doubles & triples it. Thank God for true friends who wil frequently ask about joey's progress and dish out advices even though they may never have been pregnant themselves before. Haha..

It's been a wonderful 10 months. I told Isaiah, if pregnancy is so easy all the time, I really don't mind having more children.. Hahaha..

So pray for me please, my friends! By evening time today, Joey should be borned! : )

I'll be back later.... with Joey. : )